Is there "mediator's fatigue"?

For the past seventeen years I have worked and trained in international conflict situations, with workshop participants from South Africa, Bosnia, Serbia, Syria, Palestine, Israel, the Philippines, and Nepal, among other countries. So I am no stranger to chronic, seemingly intractable conflicts and the deep wounds and vulnerabilities they often produce, or to the strident, angry rhetoric which is often expressed in conflict resolution trainings. It gets hot in the room. That’s a given, and I have sometimes found it difficult to return from these foreign venues, to reintegrate into my domestic practice and life.

But nothing prepared me for what I experienced after teaching for seven weeks in Israel and Palestine during the summer of 2006, when I lived in a militarized zone during the active shooting war between Lebanon and Israel.

On the surface, I was teaching a graduate course in Negotiation, Mediation and Conflict Management to 125 Israelis and Palestinians. I was also training Israeli, Arab, Druze and Christian community mediators.

Beneath the surface, I was having long conversations with my Haifa students who were sleeping in bomb shelters, I was living in an area that was constantly threatened with Katyusha rockets, I was visiting impromptu memorials where Israeli soldiers had been killed only days before, and witnessing the scarred earth resulting from wildfires incited by rocket attacks across the border.

When I came home I found myself withdrawing (my wife called it “distancing”). My friends told me my voice sounded hollow, unconnected to my feelings. I found myself minimizing the summer’s events (“it wasn’t so bad, life goes on”), just so I could survive the onslaught to my system. I experienced a decrease in compassion for my “regular” parties (“They don’t know what REAL conflict is like!”). I had violent dreams and, for the first time in seven years working in the Middle East, I had a sense of hopelessness, believing that nothing will change, that nothing can help.

Through my own research, I came to understand that I was experiencing “Compassion Fatigue,” or what the medical profession calls Secondary Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This phenomenon, first officially diagnosed in 1995 (and studied much more intensively after 9/11), is a complex of symptoms resulting from working closely with and showing compassion for people whose suffering is ongoing and unresolvable. It can affect many life areas: cognitive, emotional, behavioral, spiritual, personal relationships, physical/somatic and work performance. People’s symptoms can be very diverse. They can be constant, come and go, or occur in clusters.

Interestingly, Compassion Fatigue has been studied in therapists, physicians, first responders, family caregivers, animal rescue workers and chaplains who work with veterans. To date, however, no one has studied, or even hypothesized, that Compassion Fatigue may deeply affect mediators. Why not?

As I began my exploration of this topic, I thought about (and encourage readers to think about) how we are exposed to traumatic stories told by parties in mediation on a regular basis. Mediations as commonplace as divorce can trigger deep emotional wounds in the parties and, if we have created a safe enough environment, they are not shy about pouring out their hearts to us. Eviction cases, property issues, victim-offender mediations, labor-management situations and even commercial disputes—all of these may provoke traumatic experiences for the parties. If we’re doing our job and remaining “present,” we mediators often feel deep feelings of empathy and sorrow for the parties’ suffering.

In workshops at NEACR last spring and ACR this fall, I have been asking mediators what they experience when they are exposed day after day, mediation after mediation, to the trauma that parties experience. Most agree that it is not wrong to feel compassion, as long as they maintain sufficient detachment to do their work.

But there’s the cutting edge. How can mediators take care of ourselves, so that we don’t retreat into cynicism or despair, despite the traumatic words we hear each day? Here are some of the things mediators do which they find helpful: writing about the experience (as I am doing here), exercising, using humor in appropriate ways, getting sufficient rest, talking with their significant other or peers about the case (while of course preserving confidentiality), or turning to prayer or other spiritual practice..

Most of all, it’s important to realize that if you find yourself experiencing “Mediator’s Fatigue,” you’re not crazy. Seek professional help if your reaction feels too strong to handle on your own or with your loved ones or friends.

How to deal with slow times

There are times when I have so much work in my ADR practice it sems I can't possibly get it all done. You know the drill-- you work nights and/or weekends because that's when the parties are available. Or you're praparing for a new round of training you're delivering. Or you're writing an article for a journal or newsletter. You work a minimum of 6 days/week. The phone keeps ringing and you keep saying yes. It's nice to be appreciated.

And then there are times....when the big projects that sustained you the last two years have concluded (successfully, of course), when it's mid-August and everyone is on vacation. No one is thinking about setting up that new program or scheduling mediations. The phone doesn't ring for a few days. The only thing in the mailbox are bills.

Based on my 20+ years in the field, it's during those "slow" times that our spirit is most tested. Sure, we can always fill those time with all the house/garden projects we've put off for so long. Or plan that upcoming vacation in the Southwest. Staying busy is easy.

But I have also come to think of those slow times as unique opportunities-- to make that call to an old friend/colleague you haven't seen for months or years. To visit that dear one in the hospital. To schedule lunch with a potential source of referrals. To add thoughts and postings to your blog. Everything has a rhythym, including your workload.

How do you deal with the ups and downs of your practice?

Thanks to the Global Negotiation Project

I'm currently in Tel Aviv, Israel, where I teach Arab and Jewish graduate students Negotiation, Mediation and Conflict Management. I am sure that many of you also teach these subjects at various levels, so I want to share an assignment I gave my students which has proved very successful. Dr. Josh Weiss, director of the Harvard's Global Negotiation Project, has a website at www.negotiationtip.com. On it he has a weekly negotiation tip. He also has listed several dozen podcasts, which are mini-lectures (3-5 minutes) on many topics of interest (e.g. how to negotiate with your boss). I have my students listen to a podcast of their choosing and then write me a short paper summarizing what they learned and their reaction to it. They seem to enjoy it and learn a lot. Thank you, Josh, for sharing your insights so broadly.

July 11, 2007 10:31 AM

Reflections on Palestine-- Your thoughts?

While teaching in Israel this summer, I spent several days in the West Bank (the Hebron area) visiting with current and former students. I was there on the day Israel released 240 prisoners from its jails. There was great celebrations, much gunfire shooting in the air, many parties with fabulous sweets. Among the Palestinians with whom I spoke, Israel gets little credit for this prisoner release, becauae they say there are still 10,000 Palestinians in Israeli jails. Many of these are undoubtedly imprisoned for acts of terror, but I have heard stories from many Palestinians that they were arrested and imprisoned for such relatively innocuous acts such as non-violently demonstrating against the Israeli occupation while they were college students in the West Bank.

It takes about 3 hours to get from Jerusalem to Hebron, what with switching cars to Palestinian taxis, and negotiating the Israeli checkpoints. If one were to drive straight, it might take 45 minutes. My students live in Hebron and work in East Jerusalem. To get to my class in Tel Aviv, it takes them almost 5 hours. They often spend the night in Jerusalem (Al Kuds) to avoid the lengthy transportation process.

Perhaps because I held the esteemed position of being a professor, perhaps because I came with an open heart, perhaps because I was genuinely curious, I was welcomed into the homes and businesses of every Palestinian I met. Their hospitality was astounding-- people who have very little material wealth offered me the luxury of a meat meal (something they eat only once a month) and endless glasses of hot tea (sweetened with Palestinian honey). They sent me back to Tel Aviv with bags of sweet cucumbers, and quarts of local olive oil (decanted from a 250 gallon tank in the garage). It struck me that this level of generosity is a cultural trait I have often experienced among Israelis as well. One of the many things they have in common.

Of course I had many political discussions with West Bank Palestinians, as I have had with hundreds of Israelis over the years. My overwhelming conclusion? Despite the widespread anger at Israel for the humilation suffered at military checkpoints and the expansion of Israeli settlements on "Palestinian" land, which they see as a cause of much of their impoverishment, the vast majority of Palestinians with whom I spoke long for a "normal life"-- one in which they are able to obtain employment and improve their economic status, one in which their children have expanded educational opportunities, one in which they are able to travel freely within their own country. This if the mirror image of the longings of the vast majority of Israelis.

More reflections to follow, but I invite your responses to these initiatial thoughts.

welcome to the blog

Welcome to my blog. In this speace I would like to share insights, experiences and learnings from my work as a mediator and negotiator. For the last 20 years I have served as a mediator in commercial litigation, public policty, family and community disputes. I have taught at Boston University Law School, Northeastern Law School and the University of Maine School of Law. I have also trained participants from more than 15 countries on topics including Negotiation, Mediation and Conflict Management. I have taught in Bosnia, England, Italy and Israel. In 2007 I received the Pioneer Award from the New England Chapter of the Association for Conflict Management for "significant contributions" to the field of Alternative Dispute Reolsution.

I welcome your questions and comments and I will add to this blog periodically.